Nine Pieces of Advice I Would Give to My Twenty Year Old Self (As a Therapist Who Is About to Turn Thirty)
As we slowly ease into 2026, I am met with a combination of optimism for the possibilities of the new year and lingering dread for my upcoming thirtieth birthday. While I do not particularly subscribe to the idea that one is supposed to be at a certain point of their life at certain important milestones, a part of me admittedly feels a tinge of disappointment at where I am and where I imagined or hoped I would be at twenty nine.
I have learned a lot in my past two or so years as a therapist, and I cannot help but reflect on what I would tell a twenty year old version of myself if I had the chance. While a part of me wants to go back in time and urge her to make better, smarter decisions, a few more practical pieces of wisdom ring true:
Learn how different emotions feel in your body.
Looking back on where I was at twenty years old, the most remarkable thing is that I had little knowledge of how different emotions manifested in my body. I would wake up early in the morning with a weight in my chest that I could have sworn that I was going through some type of medical emergency, when, in reality, I was feeling anxious for some sort of deadline or stressor that now feels small when I look back at it.
Your anxiety is your body trying to protect you.
A worthy follow up to tip number one is that anxiety is there for a reason. Similar to the ideas espoused in Internal Family Systems, each one of us has a part that wants to manage and control the situation in order to keep the more vulnerable parts of us safe. That is to say, a certain amount of anxiety is there to keep us alive, but know when to distinguish this from the level of anxiety that debilitates you and keeps you from living the life that you want.
You can emotionally regulate.
Number three is definitely a sister to the above advice. When anxiety or depression strikes, there is something that we can do rather than sitting around and hoping that it goes away. It can be as simple as moving your body, making a cup of tea, or distracting yourself in some way if that is all you have the capacity to do. Find what you can control and just do the next right thing.
Mental and physical health are inextricably intertwined.
Move your body regularly. Engage in active hobbies when you can. Try your best to regulate your sleeping cycle, and see a doctor regularly. Don’t be afraid to get a team of people to help you with your mental health. There are resources out there if you look.
Be present.
Sometimes being present in the moment is all we can really control when things go wrong. We live so much in the past and the future. Take a moment to sit with and accept how things are now. Time goes so fast.
There is no one way to grieve.
Both gaining and loss are parts of life. There is no one way to grieve when the scales inevitably turn to loss. Be patient with yourself.
There is no substitute for community.
As much as you want to grin and bear it and figure things out alone, having people alongside you lessens the blow. Do not be afraid to be known deeply by others.
The idea of “the right decision” is a myth.
As much as you hope to make “the right decision,” there is truly no such thing. You will make decisions, both good and bad, with the information that you had at the time. While you cannot go back, you can take the lessons that you take the lessons that you learned and make a better life for yourself as best as you can.
Just because you “fall off” doesn’t mean you can’t hop back on the horse
You are going to mess up. You are going to fall down and feel like it cannot get any better. It’s important that you know that you are allowed to do so and also do the work to try to get back on your feet again. You are allowed to show up imperfectly.
Whether you are a young person reading this and looking for guidance or someone looking back and comparing experiences, I hope that you might benefit from my new years musings. Happy 2026!
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