Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time

As I frantically search for the email from my child’s school that tells me where I can park for their upcoming graduation, I realize that I am completely overwhelmed. It could be the tears in the corners of my eyes or the loud clicking of the keyboard as I try to think of any possible key words to use for my email search, but I have the feeling that ‘something is wrong’. I’m not supposed to feel like this. I’m supposed to be organized, there should be a color-coded calendar with all upcoming dates, and the sign in my front yard stating “Congratulations Graduate!” should definitely be standing up and not blown over by the wind in my grass (for the last two days).

Instead, I find myself losing emails, trying to remember to communicate important details to family, and looking back at pictures of when my child was smaller and then up at this person who is now taller than I am. The truth is, I thought I was ready for this. I am ready for my child to take the next step and am a big believer in trying new things with exuberance. My child is ready for this, and we have been discussing their excitement at further figuring out who they are as their own person. We were ready, and I am now caught off guard. I’m happy to be sure. Excited? Definitely. But I'm also overwhelmed, I’m nostalgic, and maybe even a bit…sad?

Naming the Feelings
Because I fully believe in the information and techniques I provide to my clients, I know that one of the most beneficial things I can do right now, is take the time to figure out what I’m really feeling. I pull up a pdf of The Emotions Wheel (if you are not familiar with this, plug it into your internet search right this minute and you can thank me later) and begin to feel a bit more relaxed as I see words that describe my feelings so well. I realize that I’m experiencing so many emotions at once, it’s no wonder I’m overwhelmed! Some make sense to me and some seem to conflict. Some would be easier to explain to someone else, and some I may feel hesitant to try and verbalize, worried that others may not understand.

Accepting Two Things Can Be True at the Same Time
Looking at the infographic is helping to lay out all the feelings that are now coming to a head. Taking a deep breath, helps to recognize the pattern of letting expectations override the actual experience. How often do we do this? How often do we find ourselves saying “it wasn’t supposed to be this way?” or “I should be happy”. We somehow got the message during our lives that we are expected to experience only one emotion at a time and that any others are only secondary (and therefore not as important). What would it feel like to tell yourself honestly, "I'm allowed to feel whatever comes up?” To allow your feelings to come without judgement or attempts to ‘stuff them down’. To not feel shame or guilt for having the feelings that you do? Can you imagine how much more breathing room there would be, how much better you would feel? We are going to start using the phrase “two things can be true at the same time”. This means, you can experience what comes up for you without picking the ‘right one’. In fact, let’s go a step further and accept that multiple things can be true at the same time! Our expanse of experience does not have to be reduced to the most simplistic terms and the smallest numbers!

Giving Yourself Grace
We are living in a complicated world and it makes perfect sense that we are not always clear what we are feeling or even why. This is not a personal failing but rather a space for exploration and growth. Challenge internal thoughts that take away your power and self-confidence. Allow yourself grace and acknowledge that you are capable of learning new skills and that things can get easier. You can know yourself better, you can improve upon your ability to communicate your feelings, wants, and needs with others, and you can accept that two things can be true at the same time.