The Complexities of Grief and Loss

The Complexities of Grief and Loss

What is grief
Grief is the complex emotional and physical response to a loss. It often involves a multitude of emotions such as anger, sadness, anxiety, regret, confusion, and loneliness, among many others. It is also often accompanied by physical changes such as social isolation, fatigue, changes in appetite, and difficulty sleeping. Grief can happen to anyone at any age. Grief is also complex in that it is not just generated by the passing of another person, but can be left by the loss of a pet, a job, divorce, moving away from friends and/or family, losing belongs to a natural disaster, being diagnosed with a chronic disease, or by any other big life changes.

Grief is not a linear process
Everyone grieves differently, and there is no timeline for grief. Some people may find that they value being able to express their thoughts and feelings with others, while others may value internal processing more. We may also find that we still feel the effects of grief years after the initial loss. We may find that as we learn to cope with the loss, there will be moments where a memory resurfaces, or a holiday comes up, and the weight of emotions comes over us. It is important to remember that these moments can happen, and to lean on social supports and coping skills to move through these thoughts and emotions without dismissing them.

It is also important to consider the different cultural contexts for grief. Some cultures may express grief more outwardly. Some cultures may prefer to process grief more privately, whereas others may prefer to share grief within the community. There are many different practices for processing grief, and none of them are wrong. It is also important to remember that while cultures may have traditional practices for grief, each family, or each person, may still choose to process grief in whichever way feels right for them – it is up to that individual to reflect on what healing from grief means for them.

Stages of grief
As grief is not a linear process, neither are the stages of grief. Not everyone will go through all five stages, and not everyone will stay in each stage the same length of time. It is important to engage in self reflection and recognize what is true for you. We may often find ourselves in stages of grief when we feel at a loss of control due to drastic changes in thoughts and emotions as a result of external factors.
Denial: Consisting of thoughts such as “this can’t be happening”, denial occurs when a person minimizes feelings and refuses to accept the loss or talk about emotions.
Anger: Consisting of thoughts such as “this isn’t fair”, anger occurs when a person may lash out or blame themselves or others for the loss.
Bargaining: Consisting of thoughts such as “I’ll do anything to change this”, bargaining occurs when a person may beg for a loss not to happen, such as when struggling with separation from a partner, the loss of a job, or being diagnosed with a chronic illness.
Depression: Consisting of thoughts such as “I can’t get through this”, depression occurs when a person feels hopelessness about how to move forward. After the loss, a person may engage in self-isolation and feel confusion about what life will look like in the future.
Acceptance: Consisting of thoughts such as “It’s really over”, acceptance occurs when a person is able to process the loss and move towards their new normal.

Ways to cope through grief
A couple ways to cope through grief may be to talk to friends or family, reaching out to support groups that have experienced similar losses, getting grief therapy to process loss and other major life changes, engaging in self-care routines and being mindful of our body’s needs, and not bottling up emotions when they come. To cope, we want to find ways to embrace and express emotions in a healthy manner so that we do not become overwhelmed.