How to Stop Doomscrolling: The Difference Between Self Soothing & Self Numbing

Picture this: you are sitting on the couch after a long, stressful day at work. A string of events that failed to go dances around your mind: a meeting that could have been an email, an interaction that could have gone less awkwardly, and an avalanche of work that never seems to subside, no matter how furiously you shovel at it.

You find that you are faced with a few options with how to cope with the aftermath of the afternoon. “A few feet away is the fridge,” you reflect, “maybe we can bury the stresses of today in ice cream.” You counter yourself, “but then there’s the gym. We always feel better after a workout… and there was that promise I made to myself to go every day, though it never materialized.” However, inevitably, that thought is broken up by a notification from your phone, sitting inches away from your side. “What could be the harm in scrolling through Instagram for the next five minutes or so?” you ask yourself. And so– as if the fast forward button was pressed on your afternoon– three hours have passed and it’s time to go to bed and do it all over again.

If you’re like me and ninety percent of my clients, then this vignette may sound vaguely familiar. There is an endless list of things– hobbies, recipes, crafts, and exercise videos– that you have been wanting to try, if only you had time. And yet, after a long day of pushing the stone up the proverbial hill that is a typical nine-to-five job, all you have energy to do is pick up the phone and scroll yourself into a swirling abyss of cat videos, influencers, semi-infuriating comments, and the very content that inspired your list of “to do’s” in the first place.

So what exactly is happening in these hours lost to scrolling mindlessly on our phone? As a therapist-in-training, my hypothesis is that a vast majority of us are self numbing.

What is Self Numbing?

According to Professor Warren W. Tryon, in the context of trauma, emotional numbing can be defined as “an attempt to avoid unpleasant emotions that were stored in memory along with related cognitions.” Psychologist Sharon L. Johnson conceptualizes emotional numbing as a tool we use when we feel unsafe with the goal of gaining a semblance of control. Johnson goes on to explain that while “avoidance can be useful at times… there are also times when avoidance is actually reinforcing the stress reaction because the avoidance is of something or some situation that does not present any danger.”

Dr. Johnson makes an important distinction. It can be helpful, even necessary, to avoid situations that are actively placing us in immediate danger, such as in cases of emotional and physical abuse.*

Furthermore, it is important to distinguish these situations from moments that are distressing yet can actually be worked through in the present moment. Thus, the following tips are for situations in which you are not in immediate emotional or physical danger.

***If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 804-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788.

Signs You May Be Self Numbing

• You feel both physically and emotionally flat
• You find that you are engaging in an activity to distract rather than to enjoy or be present
• You find it difficult to name what feelings are coming up, but feel overall irritable or down
• You spend hours on an activity (scrolling through your phone, watching tv, etc.) with the hopes of feeling better, but end up feeling more drained than when you started
• You’re engaging less and less in your favorite activities

So What Else Can We Do?

Alongside seeking therapy and leaning on social support, there are a number of simple things you can try today to help combat the temptation to self numb.

1. Find Your “Tells”

The first step is to notice that the self numbing is happening. What are some signs that you are engaging in this behavior? Maybe you self isolate, take a long-than-needed nap, or go into “problem solving mode.”

2. Self Regulate In the Moment

Once you’ve acknowledged your patterns, work on replacing the self numbing with some self soothing (see some ideas on the cheat sheet below). It may look different for each person. Don’t be afraid to try on different strategies until you find what works for you.

3. Work on Sitting with the Distress

After identifying tools to self soothe in the moment, we can then work on learning how to sit with distress rather than pushing it away or jumping into action. While there are many ways to practice mindfulness, one of my favorites to teach in session is the RAIN technique, a practice of radical compassion coined by Tara Brach.

Self Soothing Cheat Sheet

Temperature as a Tool

A common distress tolerance tool used by DBT is to calm the body down by changing the body temperature. The idea is that by changing the temperature to either cold or warm, we regulate our body and, in turn, our emotions. This could be as simple as turning up the air conditioner in the car, holding a cup of warm tea, or running your hands under warm water at the sink.

Olfactory Intervention

Is there a particular spot in your home that you typically associate with relaxation? Try associating it with a specific smell– maybe in a room spray or essential oil. Carry around a sample of that smell to trick your body into a state of calm during potentially stressful situations. My soothing scent of choice is lavender– I made a small sachet that I can keep in my bag and bring out at any time.

Underrated Actions

Taking a short walk outside in nature is a veritably underrated self soothing strategy. When you take a walk, the repetitive movement of using both legs to drive the body forward stimulates both sides of the brain, resetting the central nervous system.

I’m also a strong proponent of good-old mindful breathing, specifically the 6-6-6 exercise (memorable for a number of reasons), where you take a mindful breath in for 6 seconds, hold it for 6, and breathe out for 6 seconds. It’s a simple yet effective exercise that you can use and reuse in a number of stressful situations.

Conclusion

Self numbing happens to the best of us. While there is a practical, evolutionary reason for this set of behaviors– to shield us and see us through moments of perceived danger– we can challenge ourselves to consider different means of coping that can enhance our quality of life over time.