Dear Past Self

Dear Past Self

How experiences shape us

We are all influenced by our past experiences, by things both in and out of our control. Every moment in our lives, we are taking in information about the environment around us and how to interact with it. Be this consciously or unconsciously, we base our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions on stimuli we are exposed to, or by modeling others. These aspects can in turn influence the ways we observe our behaviors and the ways we think about ourselves, positively and negatively.

How experiences influence us

We may find ourselves avoiding or engaging in certain behaviors because of the ways we think others will react, even if this is not necessarily what we want for ourselves. This can lead to a dissonance between behaviors, thoughts, and emotions.

Additionally, we can experience negative behaviors, thoughts, and emotions due to factors outside of our control. We may experience trauma, loss, grief, interpersonal difficulties, and many more situations that can lead to negative behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. As time moves on, we may find these weighing on us more and more, potentially leading to a lowered self-image, self-esteem, and confidence. We may also see an increase in anxiety and depression, and an increased difficulty in emotional awareness and the ability to be vulnerable with others, or even ourselves. This can lead to withdrawal from relationships, social activities, and even emotions.

However, the first step to healing is recognizing and reflecting within ourselves, allowing ourselves to recognize and desire positive change. So, what are some things we can do to increase our awareness? Two things we can engage in are reflections, perspective-taking, and emotion processing.

What can these activities look like?

Letter to my past self:

Writing a letter to our past selves is a good way to explore unresolved emotions and unexplored situations. Engaging in this activity can aid in allowing us to reflect on past experiences, through a reflection on thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It can allow us to gain insight into how these experiences have influenced and shaped our current functioning. It is also a great way to practice self-care by externalizing situations, allowing for self-forgiveness and moving forward in our healing journey.

To do this exercise, we will focus on one topic at a time, writing about the past experience and how it continues to impact life, being as honest as we can while also being non-judgemental and compassionate with ourselves. Write about insights into this experience from the current perspective, including ways we can grow from this experience and promote healing and closure.

Empty chair technique:

The empty chair technique is a helpful way to allow for evaluation of a situation by taking multiple perspectives, in order to help express unresolved thoughts and feelings, increase confidence and self-image, and increase emotion awareness.

To do this exercise, we will imagine ourselves in a conversation with someone else who is not physically present (or even imagine talking to a part of ourselves!). We will express our thoughts, feelings, and emotions directly to the empty chair, allowing ourselves to communicate what we have not been able to express. We will then respond to ourselves from the perspective of the other person/part. Engaging in this activity, and reflecting on it afterwards, can allow for greater insight into ourselves and the other person/part.

Gratitude journaling:

It can be hard for us to recognize and focus on the positives when we experience or feel something negative. Think of the saying, “can’t see the forest for the trees”: we might find it difficult to identify, address, and further explore the positives due to these negative experiences overtaking our perspective of self and the situation. To challenge this, we may engage in gratitude journaling.

To do this exercise, we will sit down, reflect on, and write about what we are grateful for. We want to take time to reflect on these feelings, further exploring what these are and why it makes us grateful. This does not have to be something big, and this does not even have to be something about ourselves. We can be grateful for others, for experiences, for the environment around us, and even for the lessons we have learned along the way. In doing this, we may begin to look at the world in a more positive light, and find ourselves more confident in how we interact with ourselves and others.