Rewriting Your Inner Story Through Narrative Therapy

Think about your favorite book or movie. As with any book/movie there is the setting and the characters. But,what ties these different backgrounds and characters together? The plot. No matter what setting these tales take place in, each character has a story to tell. Our lives tell a story as well. These stories often manifest in how we see ourselves and our view of the world. In therapy, we call these stories, narratives. Sometimes, experiences such as trauma or other negative experiences can distort these narratives that we hold close. Let’s take a deeper look into these“narratives” and what it means to be the author of your own story.

Why Our Stories Matter

Each of us has a story to tell. A story that is uniquely our own, one that reflects where we have come from and where we are going. Narrative therapy can be helpful in further exploring the story your life is telling. Oftentimes these narratives are informed by families of origin, relationships, culture, early childhood experiences, and even messages we’ve been exposed to over time. When we partner with a narrative and allow it to inform how we view ourselves and others, the narratives becomes internalized. Identifying internalized narratives can give further insight into how we view ourselves and the world around us, and even how we relate to others. Sometimes, there are internalized narratives that leave us feeling defeated, hopeless, even critical of ourselves and others. At this point, an internalized narrative can become maladaptive; prompting us to become distrusting, critical and distances us from others. Listed below are just a few examples of negative, internalized narratives:

“I always mess things up”
“I have to earn love”
“ I have to stay productive in order to prove my worth”

What’s the Problem?

Identifying these internalized narratives can be tricky, especially if some of the current narratives you hold true were passed down from a family member or another trusted source. It may not feel like these are internalized narratives as much as they are just “the normal”. However, if we take a closer look (through reflection) we start to parse out these narratives, their origins, and their impact. We have established that internalized narratives impact our view of ourselves and others, but when we begin to thoughtfully question these internalized narratives and the purpose they serve we uncover what are called problem-saturated narratives. Simply put, what is happening around me when these internalized narratives appear? Perhaps going through a difficult break-up triggers feelings of inadequacy; promoting the thought that love is earned. Another helpful reflection question is: “what is the story you find yourself telling when things go wrong?”
Usually an indicator that a problem-saturated narrative is internalized is when unhelpful thinking patterns such as all/nothing thoughts, shamed-based beliefs, and feeling stuck are present.

Reauthoring Your Story

There is a pivotal moment from the time you identify a problem-saturated narrative; there is a choice to be made. You may identify the problem-saturated narrative and choose to agree with that thought, further internalizing the beliefs and emotions associated with the thought. On the other hand, you can choose to challenge the narrative through re-authoring your story. This is about retelling the story on your own terms. This means finding expectations for these problem-saturated narratives and retelling a story that more accurately depicts you and the world around you. There are three ways narrative therapy helps to reauthor your story:

1. Externalize the problem: this reframes how we conceptualize and talk about ourselves and others.
   Example: I am not anxiety, I am simply a person who experiences anxiety
2. Explore alternative stories: this is often called expectation finding. Reflect on a time when something went wrong and you didn’t repeat the problem-saturated narrative
3. Reclaim your voice: practice using a tone that reflects kindness and understanding, not condemnation and shame.

The ultimate goal of narrative therapy is for you to identify the stories being told and feel empowered to reauthor them if the story no longer aligns with your view of yourself or the world around you. If you’d like to begin re-authoring your own story, reach out to schedule!