Engaging in Self-Compassion

Engaging in Self-Compassion

For many of us, giving ourselves self-compassion is unknown or unwelcomed. Often, we resort to criticizing or judging ourselves more than we would a loved one or a close-friend. We are better at treating others than we are ourselves. Often, our lack of self-compassion further increases negative self-talk and self-criticism that is often present in individuals with anxiety and depression, increasing overall negative symptoms. Practicing self-compassion is not only a successful method of caring for ourselves, but it also engages a new, positive way of thinking that can have lasting improvements on our mental health and life. So, let’s dig in and see what self-compassion is all about.

What is Self-Compassion?

First, what is this idea of self-compassion? According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is compassion turned inward; it is how we treat ourselves when we are experiencing suffering. Think about a time you saw a friend struggling. First, you notice that your friend is experiencing suffering. Then, you begin to experience compassion for them, realizing that suffering is a universal human experience. Finally, you respond to your friend with kindness, warmth, understanding, and support. Self-compassion involves directing the compassion you would show to a friend towards yourself, providing yourself the same warmth, support, kindness, and understanding when you are experiencing a struggle. Instead of engaging in self-criticism and judgement towards ourselves when we experience a hardship, engaging in self-compassion provides the opportunity to care for yourself in ways that promote inner growth and healing.

Myths of Self-Compassion: What Self-Compassion is not.

Many may feel that providing one’s self compassion may undermine their motivation to improve. Perhaps you find yourself asking, “is this just me accepting myself in a way that is unproductive or complacent?” This is a myth. Self-compassion is a great source of motivation for change because the motivation comes from a place of caring for ourselves, rather than motivating ourselves through negative self-criticism. This growth mindset better enables us to learn from our mistakes, rather than shame ourselves from making mistakes again. Another idea is that self-compassion is “just feeling sorry for myself.” This is also untrue. Self-compassion is not self-pity, which involves “why me” thinking. Self-compassion recognizes the imperfections of the human experience, framing our faults as something that is shared by every individual.

How to Engage in Self-Compassion

Engaging in self-compassion first involves providing understanding towards ourselves when we experience suffering, mistakes, failures, and feelings of inadequacy. Rather than immediately engaging in self-criticism, we provide ourselves warmth, support, and understanding. Statements such as, “it’s okay to feel this way” and “today was a hard day” are simple ways of expressing validation. Once we provide ourselves kindness, we identify our suffering as an experience of common humanity. In other words, when we experience suffering of any kind, we often engage in an irrational thought and feelings of isolation, as if we are the only ones in the world experiencing the identified painful experience. When we pause and recognize we are not alone, we can provide ourselves with the same kindness we would offer to someone else in a similar situation. Lastly, self-compassion needs a mindful, balanced approach to neither suppress or exaggerate our sufferings. Mindfulness allows us to “accept” what we are currently experiencing to help us put our situation in a better perspective. It keeps us from “over-identifying” with our current experience.

Putting simple acts of self-compassion in our daily lives, especially when we find ourselves experiencing suffering, can motivate us through encouragement rather than shame and self-criticism. Not only are we more motivated to grow for ourselves, but we also develop a lasting positive growth mindset that can carry us through any suffering we encounter.

If you want to learn more about self-compassion, I encourage you to explore this resource: https://self-compassion.org/