The Window of Tolerance and Why It Should Be in Your

Mental Health Toolkit

After the initial intake session, typically the first conversation I have with a new client is regarding the window of tolerance. Prior to embarking on the deeper emotional work that can be inherent to therapy, it can be helpful to figure out exactly where it is that we go in moments of stress. For some clients, they will describe a feeling of tension, anxiety, irritability, and a general feeling of unsettledness. Others reference a feeling of numbness or complete physical and emotional shut down. More often than not, individuals report feeling a combination of the two. While the concept of the window of tolerance is very much intuitive, I find that it can help to give language to the moments of anxiety, sadness, and general distress that can be passing visitors in day to day life. As we grow to recognize and befriend these states, we can better notice their early signs and better cope ahead.

What is the Window of Tolerance?

As a rule of thumb, think of the window of tolerance as an individual’s optimal state of functioning. In these moments, we feel present, in control, and able to take on challenges effectively and with minimal distress. Some schools of thought conceptualize it as a sort of “flow state” in which we feel in the moment and are optimally engaged. I liken it to the growth zone, in which one is met with a challenge that we feel equipped to navigate without falling into a state of panic or despair.

Depending on the sum of their life experiences, an individual’s window of tolerance might be as wide as the Mississippi river, ebbing and flowing to allow them to navigate all sorts of turbulent waters with ease. For others going through more difficult periods of life, their window might be more akin to a trickling stream, threatening to run them aground at the first sign of distress.

Exiting the Window

There are two directions we can travel in when we exit out of the window of tolerance. On both ends, we may start with feeling signs of emotional dysregulation. On one side, we may start feeling anxious, irritable, or even angry. As we travel in this direction, we may eventually hit what we call a state of hyperarousal as our stress reaches a high. Another name for hyperarousal is fight or flight. During these moments, we may feel abnormally hyperaware. We may feel anxious, frustrated, and may even have the desire to fight or run away. For others, this may manifest as an inability to sit still– a need to stay busy and in control.

On the other side of the spectrum, we might start to feel overwhelmed, shut down, or less aware of the passage of time. As we move farther in this direction in moments of stress, we might enter a zone of hypoarousal, also known as the freeze or fawn state. In these moments, we may be in a state of decreased responsiveness, one characterized by numbness, physical exhaustion, and emotional numbness. Think of those days where you know you have a host of responsibilities, but you feel so physically and emotionally run down that you decide to spend the afternoon doomscrolling on the couch.

What Shapes It?

If we conceptualize this zone of tolerance as a literal window, this holds that the window can close and widen depending on different events and forces in our lives. There are parts of life that narrow our window of tolerance, such as stress and traumatic experiences. In turn, there are also forces that can widen this window, such as learning to cope ahead, disrupting negative thoughts spirals, investing in healthy social supports, and even taking extra care to tend to one’s physical wellbeing.

Questions to ask yourself

What are the situations that tend to push you out of your window of tolerance or make you feel overwhelmed?
What are the physical cues, emotions, or thoughts that arise as you reach the edges of the window of tolerance?
What activities or practices can you reach for in moments of distress or discomfort?