How to Make a Change: Start Your Journey Towards Your Goals
Recently, I have been thinking a lot about what it means to make a change. Whether it’s keeping a regular gym schedule or finding ways to slow things down in what feels like a constantly accelerating world, I have been trying to strategize ways to better flourish, not only as a therapist, but in my relationships, health, personal growth, and leisure.
A few days ago, I finished the book How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Katy Milkman (actually, I listened to the audio book version during the commute to and from work, but that’s beside the point). In the days since, I have found myself incorporating the tiny nuggets of wisdom gleaned from Milkman’s book into sessions with my clients; as a result, I figured it might be helpful to form what I have learned into a launchpad from which to take the leap towards your goals.
Capitalizing on Fresh Starts
Milkman starts off strong with one of the first pieces of advice that she shares in the book: the process of harnessing the feeling of a fresh start to energize us towards our goals. Whether it is the beginning of a new year, the start of a new job, or even the first day of a new month, research shows that starting off with a perceived blank slate can facilitate the start of movement towards a given goal.
Temptation Bundling
Another one of Milkman’s tips that I’ve shared in session is the act of temptation bundling. To illustrate, I will use myself as an example:
Fran has set the goal for herself to go to the gym more regularly, but would rather be at home, reading her latest science fiction page turner on her Kindle , curled up and cozy with some hot green tea. However, she wants to keep herself accountable to exercise, so she makes a pact with herself saying, “I am only allowed to find out what is next in my page turner if I am exercising at the gym.”
At the beginning of the week, Fran rents an audiobook version of the page turner, and she finds herself returning to the gym as often as she can to find out what happens in the subsequent chapter. Before she knows it, she has completed the audiobook, and now has a mean set of coveted sick-pack abs.
I’ll let you decide if this actually played out as I described above, but the moral of the story is that perhaps Mary Poppin’s had the right idea all along, a spoon full of sugar does, in fact, help the medicine go down.
Maintain a Streak
There is a reason why the little green owl from Duolingo is so persistent that you return to complete a lesson day in and day out. Maintaining a streak and the gamification of a task can be just what you need to make a habit out of a short term endeavor.
Find a Buddy
We are more likely to set a goal and continue progress towards us if we have a friend to keep us accountable to show up. Similarly, Milkman suggests that it can be helpful to observe people who are similar to you who have reached the same goal, and using the insight to mirror their behavior.
Give Yourself Some Grace
Lastly, something that I often find myself reiterating to my clients is the idea of giving yourself the grace we so fully distribute to other people. Specifically, we can allow ourselves some flexibility in a new habit.
To run with the Fran example one last time: Fran can be hard on herself about days missed at the gym. In past instances, it was easy for her to consider a few missed days as a failure on her part, oftentimes throwing her goal away altogether.
As Fran reflects on what went wrong on the last few tries, she resolves to take a new approach to her goals. She decides to try to go to the gym every weekday, but gives herself two days to skip out in the case of an emergency or unexpected event. This way, rather than attributing a missed gym day to laziness or a deficit in character, she has already mentally accounted for the time spent outside of the gym.
Conclusion
Making a change can be difficult, but you don’t have to go it alone. Schedule with us today to start your journey towards your goals!
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