Breaking the Cycle

Breaking the Cycle of Avoidance, One Uncomfortable Step at a Time

Sitting in discomfort is - not surprisingly - uncomfortable. Whenever we are faced with a situation that generates feelings of anxiety, stress, or becomes overwhelming, we can oftentimes find ourselves withdrawing because it feels easier. This withdrawal, the avoidance of negative or unwanted stimuli, means that we are in some way allotted relief from the difficult situation. However, this relief is only temporary. We are not solving an issue, but rather putting it off for a future time. So, what happens if the situation or stimulus occurs again? Well, the last time we were in this situation and avoided the stimulus making us anxious it provided some relief. If it worked in the past then it must be able to work again. So we continue engaging in this cycle of avoidance, never facing the situation but always struggling when it comes up. This is what we call the anxiety trap.

The Cycle of Avoidance: What is it?

The cycle of avoidance, also known as the anxiety trap, is a cycle we can see occurring when we are faced with an anxiety-inducing situation that can generate additional feelings of discomfort or overwhelm.

Anxiety:

The first thing we notice is the triggering of an anxious response. Not only does this generate changes in emotions, but we can also see it affecting our thoughts and physical symptoms. We may have feelings of dread, self-doubt, irritability, or lowered confidence. We may have thoughts surrounding doubt in our abilities, or worries about the worst happening, or about letting ourselves or others down. We may also experience physical symptoms such as difficulty breathing or a racing heartbeat.

Avoidance:

Then, avoidance comes. In order to avoid these negative or uncomfortable symptoms, we may cancel our plans, avoid other people, or procrastinate on tasks.

Relief:

Next comes the relief. In avoiding a situation or person, we feel a decrease in those negative emotions. And it can feel good - temporarily. But, we may also miss out on things, or we may unintentionally put more work on ourselves in the future.

Intensification:

An association is created in our mind that avoidance brings relief. We are telling ourselves the situation is negative and something to be avoided, regardless of the truth of the situation. This can negatively affect performance in school or at work, interfere with the time we spend with friends or family, or negatively impact our engagement in potentially enjoyable activities.
But, we don’t know for sure what the consequences would be if all we do is avoid it because of what could happen. We can find ourselves bogged down in the “what-ifs”, robbing ourselves of the potential opportunity of something good.

Who engages in avoidance?

We all engage in avoidance - no one is immune. Whether it be avoiding homework we don’t want to do, avoiding a person whom we need to have a difficult conversation with, or even procrastinating on writing an article for work. We may come up with excuses about why we can’t do something, or say “I can always do that later” at a more opportune time. While we might experience that short-term relief, sometimes we can only put things off for so long before it starts affecting other areas of our lives. But, does this mean we always have to be stuck in this cycle? No, we can learn to break this cycle! However, that doesn’t mean it will be easy. A history of learning and engaging in this cycle will not break over night.

What can we do to break this cycle?

Have patience and grace with yourself. The first step is recognizing we engage in this cycle. Working with a therapist can help to actively challenge these negative and unhelpful thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As we recognize this cycle as unhelpful, it becomes easier to challenge them in the future. If we allow ourselves to sit in that discomfort without avoiding it, we can recognize we do have the power and strength to move forward. This helps to promote desired behavior, increase confidence, and slowly break the cycle, one uncomfortable step at a time.