Understanding Your Inner Critic (and How to Respond to It)

Ahh the inner critic, we meet again. The ongoing battle with one’s inner critic can be like a symbolic fight between good and evil, Batman and Superman. The inner critic can also feel like that problematic character in a movie franchise that you know is related to the plot, but you find difficult to empathize with. Cliché movie references aside, we all have an “inner critic”. That small voice that plants seeds of doubt, insecurity, prompting us to question our value, worth and productivity. There is often a negative connotation with the inner critic; we often look to “silence” this intangible part of ourselves. What if we took a closer look at the inner critic? While we don’t have to come into agreement with its feedback, we can further explore the purpose it is trying to serve.

Who Is the Inner Critic

The inner critic is the part that is constantly critiquing, criticizing and even judging ourselves. Its voice may be so constant that it is difficult to tell the critic from any other thought.
Let’s get metacognitive for one moment-let’s think about our thoughts. Say you're pressed to meet a deadline at work. The project is due next week, but new tasks are delegated to your queue, adding onto any preexisting stress. You recognize you are overwhelmed, now, what is your very next thought? If your next thought sounded harsh, discouraging, and speaks “against” you, this is likely the workings of the inner critic. The inner critic often tries to isolate us, saying that others can’t understand our struggles and that it’s more efficient, more safe to rely solely on ourselves. This voice also pushes us towards perfectionist tendencies motivated by maladaptive comparisons and fears of inadequacy.

Where the Inner Critic Comes From

Every character in the movies has an origin story and the inner critic is no different. The inner critic is usually informed from childhood experiences as well as influential relationships that impact our self-esteem. Influential relationships can be parents, grandparents, teachers, siblings, and even peers. Our brains are wired to recognize and summarize patterns. Therefore, if your formative years lacked positive reinforcement, but were rich in criticism, it is likely that your brain is more apt to rush to critical thoughts of yourself. Essentially, your inner critic is possibly quite “loud”. Sometimes, the critical voice can seem so familiar it is the default setting for us. Moreover, there are bodies of research that underline the impact of emotional and physical safety during formative years; specifically how a sense of safety influences self-esteem and attachment styles in relationships.

Common Sentiments from the Inner Critic

The trademark of the inner critic is usually marked by a harsh and judgemental tone. It is also usually discouraging, prompting you to question your abilities, identity and your value. Examples may sound like the following:
- “I am a failure”
- “I am worthless”
- “I tried my best, but is that good enough?”

How to Respond: From Criticism to Compassion

Now that we have a better understanding of who the inner critic is and what it sounds like, now we get to decide how to respond to it. At this moment, how would you address your inner critic? Many folks aim to “silence” the inner critic, but what if we tried something else. Perhaps we get curious about the role it is serving; maybe even express gratitude towards that part? You may be thinking, if this inner critic is so negative, so critical, why wouldn’t I want to silence it? Notice the semantical nuance of using the word “part”. Imagine the inner critic is a “part” just like creativity, logic, emotion, thoughts, etc; these parts are simply that–only one piece of the system. Therefore, if we become curious about the role the part is trying to play (usually to protect us), we can better appreciate what the part is attempting to help with. Extending compassion towards these different parts, inner critic included, helps us to better connect with and understand the role it plays.

Showing compassion towards the inner critic takes time. A therapist can better help you to identify different parts and the role that they play. This post borrows themes from a modality called Internal Family Systems (IFS) and I often work with clients who are interested in exploring their relationship with different parts. If you’d like to begin this journey, reach out to schedule!